Raw
by Flywheel Shyster and Flywheel
Summary: What starts out as an ordinary day at Peach Creek High School turns dramatic as romantic plots and friendships unravel. (Decided to try my hand at Reverse/AU and it could, in the end, quite possibly be the weirdest one ever written!) Please review!
1. Prologue (Don't Need To Read)

_Welcome._

 _We here at Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel are inclined to inform you that the following is a continuation of the previously published documents 'ERROR' and 'ERROR', so ifffffffffffffffailure to access proper greeting attempting reboot ERROR ERROR_

 _SysSysSysSysSystems failure._

 _Have an odd and lovely mad day._

* * *

Hey, guys! Sorry about that, no idea what that was about. Weird, right?

So I've been feeling kinda inspired to write lately and I thought that I would attempt to do my own Reverse AU! It's my first time doing so and I'm not really sure how it's going to end yet so I can't promise any pairings straight off the bat, though there might be some KevEdd to find here and there. *wink, wink*

 **Oh, yeah, the whole thing below is just a boring prologue that you don't really need to bother reading so you can just skip ahead to the next chapter if you wanna get this whole Reverse party started! Woop, woop!**

Hope you like it and please review! Reviews help me write!

Love, Flywheel!

* * *

In the beginning, there was nothing. This was rather frowned upon by the neighbors who thought that someone should have taken responsibility for it and at least mow the lawn every now and then to give it some personality. Most of them were only moderately annoyed at the nothingness but this could easily turn into immense irritation whenever a guest to one of their candle light suppers had managed to take a wrong turn and disappeared into the nothingness, never to be seen this side of the hemisphere again. In the end, this happened often enough to be considered a nuisance.

One particular day having had enough, the neighbors gathered in the middle of the street, mustered up whatever upper middle class courage they had and walked up to the nothingness. Unsure of how to properly approach the awkwardness of the situation, they knocked. A moment passed. They knocked again. Another moment passed. Yet again they knocked and yet another moment passed but this time, Mr. Flügeldörfén lost his temper and hollered up at the nothingness to take its responsibility and gather up all of the loose moments it had running around wildly. To their great surprise, as they were all rather cowardly deep down and hadn't really expected anything to come out of this confrontation, this caused a door to open, out of which a young man stepped.

"Yes?" The man, casually dressed, didn't even bother to look up from the pad he held in his hand as he scribbled away manically. The neighbors stared silently in awe; this was the first time they had any sort of indication that someone actually held ownership of the nothingness and a few began to wonder what they could bring to the inevitable barbecue held in this young man's honor.

"Uhm, hello." Mrs. Schlatttenfort said, fiddling nervously with the links of her bracelet. "We are your new neighbors and we just wanted to-"

"Neighbors?" The man finally looked up, a sense of confusion escaping through his sleep deprived eyes. He observed them peculiarly before stepping out even further, taking a second or so to look around the pristine neighborhood and quickly arching an eyebrow. An Audi's car alarm began to blare over on Evertrapp Street.

"Yes. Yes indeed, young man." Major Minor said with his usual air of pompousness. The left side of his heavy mustache tingled talking to this character but he couldn't really make out why. The man in turn looked at the Major like he had seen a ghost.

"I shouldn't have neighbors. I shouldn't-" He stopped in the middle of his sentence after glancing back and he turned, staring absentmindedly at the structure he had emerged from. "I definitely shouldn't have this."

"I say, are you feeling quite alright?" The Major took a step forward, having dealt with mental disorders first hand during his time in the army.

"I'm Ish, by the way." The man, Ish, threw the introduction over his shoulder and shuddered when it didn't even smack someone in the face. "This is wrong." He muttered to himself." So terribly, terribly wrong. I haven't seen this level of normality since… Never."

"Look, we can come back another time if there's something you would like to fix." Mr. Masterstand, the newlywed husband, began to slowly move his wife backwards a few steps; Ish would obviously be a good candidate to hold the title of neighborhood weirdo and the sooner they distanced themselves from him, the better.

"No, no, no!" Ish spun around and offered them all a strained smile. "Apologies for my frazzled appearance and behavior, neighbors dear; this move has been a rather strenuous endeavor and I must have, for a moment, believed that I was still living in my old hometown."

"Where would that be then?" Mrs. Schlattenfort said, finding this strange man much more attractive than she did her husband.

Ish chuckled nervously and ignored the question. "I say, why don't you all come over tomorrow at five for a barbecue? I can get to know you, you get to know me; we eat, drink, make merry and all that. What do you say?" The crowd of neighbors murmured positively in response.

"Five o'clock it is then!" Mr. Schlattenfort said enthusiastically, finding this pleasantly strange man a lot more attractive than he did his wife.

"We shall be there!" Mr. Masterstand said cheerfully; someone who invites his neighbors into his backyard for a bit of grilling surely could not be that weird.

"I will bring the cobblers!" Mrs. Ampersand exclaimed joyously, excited to finally be using the oven for something other than taking care of the neighbors' annoying cats streaking through her garden.

"Marvelous." Ish said flatly. "Uhm; gentleman with mustache!" He cried out as the crowd began to disperse, making the Major turn around mid-step and give him a puzzling look.

"Yes, young man?"

"Could I speak with you for a moment? I, uh, found this war chest down in the basement and I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit more about it. You know, the uniform and everything; I imagine that's right up your… Alley." The neighbors perked up at this, also interested to see this mysterious chest, but found to their disappointment that they were already on their good way to disperse through their respective front doors.

"Certainly! I shall be more than happy to!" The Major bowed his head slightly to Ish as he walked by and stepped through the front door of the cozy little two story house. "If you do not mind me asking, young chap, do you live alone here? It is an awfully big home for a young feller-"

"Joe, for heaven's sake, snap out of it!" Ish slammed the door shut behind him and grabbed a firm hold of the Major's lapels, giving him a pleading look. "Something is terribly wrong here!"

"I say, unhand me!" The Major attempted to take a step back but Ish's hold just grew firmer.

"No, look, listen." Ish gave the older man's jacket a firm shake, the medals on chest clanging against each other. "We don't belong here, alright? Something weird, weirder than usual, has happened and I need your help."

"Now see here!" The Major barked and broke Ish's hold. Straightening out his clothing, he gave Ish a harsh, unforgiving look. "I haven't the faintest what it is you are blabbering about here! My name is Major Sharp Minor of the 132nd Infantry and I can safely say that I have never had the good misfortune to meet you before in my entire life!" The heavy mustache followed the Major's wildly enunciating mouth perfectly to the young man's great disappointment.

"Oh, this is not good..." Ish ran a hand through his hair, eyes nervously flickering around the hallway.

"Now, if this is all you wanted, I shall be more than happy to leave you to your frantic behavior!"

"No, wait!" Ish's face lit up in a bright smile. "I do apologize for my frantic behavior, Major; frazzled from the move and all. Please, won't you join me for a cup of tea?" He motioned to the kitchen and the Major smacked his lips tryingly. "I truly am sorry; it's been quite a week."

"I dare say that I have yet to partake in my cup of the day, and it is always three o'clock somewhere..." The Major gave Ish a questioning look over before shrugging. "Oh, what the devil; let us partake in the glorious mixture of water and herbs!"

"Well, it's always four twenty somewhere..."

"Pardon?"

"I said: Let us!" Ish led the way into the tastelessly decorated kitchen, making sure to pat the dog sitting patiently at the table on the head.

"My word, that is a curious breed you have there." The Major stopped in front of an empty seat, standing firmly at attention, and inspected the black and white canine unlike anything he had ever seen. Its muzzle was pointed, almost unnaturally so, and its back legs were a quarter of the length of the front legs.

"Yes, little Gordon; scared the living daylights out of me first time I saw him; thought he was an unlucky bird at first." Ish said while rummaging around in cabinets, preparing two cups of a tea from a blend that had been labeled 'Ice'.

"Yes, yes; I can see the resemblance."

"Please, Major, sit." Ish turned around with the two cups and set them down on the table, the Major finally taking his seat. The dog prodded Ish's side pleadingly. "No, none for you."

"Oh, a beggar?"

"Only when I fry fish."

"Ah, of course. Thank you." The Major picked up the cup and held it inches away from his mustache, taking a long sniff of the content. "Quite a curious blend here. What did you say it was?"

"I didn't." Ish responded impatiently, tapping his finger against the tabletop in a rhythmic manner.

"I seem to detect..." The mustache twitched as the Major inhaled the aromas again. "Is that nutmeg?"

"If I'm to be completely honest, parting gift from my family, haven't got the faintest." Ish blew violently at his own tea and scratched his temple, feeling increasingly annoyed with something. "Have a taste, I'm told it's delightful."

"Oh, it certainly smells that way!" The Major chuckled merrily. "So what is it you do, young man?"

"I'm... A writer." Ish let out reluctantly.

"A writer? My heavens, anything I would recognize?" The Major leaned forward with great interest and put his cup back down on the table, making Ish wince.

"Very much doubtful, not yet published. Unclear if I'll ever be, tedious process these days."

"Ah, some of that old writer's block, eh?"

"Quite the opposite; too many things to write at once." Ish inhaled sharply. "Now, to the street." He raised his cup ceremoniously towards the Major in an overly keen fashion, a gesture the Major politely returned.

"To the street and to you, young man, for joining us." The older man nodded and let a small sip of the hot beverage pass between his smiling lips slowly. He was rather pleased with how pleasantly things were turning out this afternoon.

"So, Major; please tell me a little bit about yourself." Ish, having feverishly downed his whole cup in one giant gulp, leaned back with a pained smirk, regretting letting his impatience get the better of him for the sake of his now burnt throat.

"Well, son." The Major began. "I joined the armed forces back in-" He stopped speaking and frowned slightly.

"Something the matter, Major?" Ish asked, lazily scratching the dog behind its right ear.

"No, no, I don't think so." The Major cleared his throat. "As I said, I joined-" This time, the face of the old man scrunched up into a grimace of displeasure. "I was-" A series of comical expressions soon followed as the Major's mouth began to move up and down, stretch and contract, all while he kept glancing downwards.

"Major, whatever is the matter?" Ish asked innocently but didn't wait for a response, instead he stood up and opened the fridge door, taking out a plate wrapped in tinfoil and placing a quarter inside. "Gotta be polite from here on in, once had a lamp try to jump me like in the Pixar logo. You a Pixar fan, Major?"

"Sorry, son, I just- Would you say that there's something peculiar going on with my mustache?" The Major looked up, doing all in his power to ignore the nagging belief that his mustache was making obscene gestures every time he spoke, and looked on as Ish put the plate down on the table in front of the dog.

"Nothing too severe; I do believe pink is a nice shade on you." Ish patted the dog's head twice and snickered to himself when it began to devour the contents of the plate; a rather tasty looking piece of fish.

"I beg your pardon?" The Major's eyebrow's shot up in surprise and, being the military veteran he was, threw himself out of his seat a split second after Ish had launched something in his direction. "ARE YOU MAD, YOUNG MAN?!"

"We're all mad here." Ish stalked past the floored Major, flashing him an enthusiastic smile, and stopped in front of the wall, taking a firm hold of and pulling out the pen he had thrown moments earlier. Two white, and now pierced, eyebrows were quickly caught in his empty hand which he then stretched out towards the Major. "I would hang onto these, sir; eyebrows can be deceptive, even more so than a pink mustache." The military officer held up a shaky hand to his forehead only to find that the eyebrows he had been pleased to rent out space to had indeed vacated the premises. The hand closed itself and the shaky finger that remained on the outside and pointing in Ish's direction pouted sadly at being left out.

"You- Who are you?" Panicked eyes shot downwards as the fabulously pink mustache had begun to swing around violently, continuing to do so even after the words became locked behind the Major's lips.

"Well-" Ish's hand found his mouth to contain a runaway laugh when the mustache reached a velocity high enough to function as a rotor, essentially making Major Minor a smaller aircraft and getting the frightened man back to his feet. "Oh, I-" Ish cleared his throat and spoke louder. "I do apologize; I should've done the whole safety speech first thing after the tea but it's been so long since I've had to use the Ice blend, I completely forgot how groovy some of the side effects are."

"The tea." The Major repeated the words slowly to himself, even if he could barely hear them over the roaring sound of his spinning facial hair. The kitchen appliances began to stir much like a hungover woman being awoken from a deep, restless slumber. "But- I just had a sip… WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THE TEA?!" He would have lunged for the younger man had he not been using all of his strength to brace himself from flying into the wall.

"Oh, Major. You must understand that this-" Ish extended his arms and smiled wholeheartedly as the toaster started to jump around excitedly on the counter, the chairs extended their legs to trip the table which sent the two cups and plate smashing into the floor where they became the very solution to all of mankind's problems. Alas, it was soon eaten by the happily honking dog which, even the Major had to admit in his terrified state looked better, had gone to turn into a penguin. "All of this is the tea. It's my, _our_ , Ice-tea, if you'll pardon the pun." A gavel echoed throughout the house and a deep voice cried out ' ** _GUILTY_** ', followed by a loud murmur of disagreeing voices. The oranges jumped out of their bowl and rolled over to the coffee machine; it was going to be a long night's work ahead to spread the controversial verdict and the presses were sure to be running hot.

"I-I don't understand." The Major, almost surprised to find that he was slightly relieved to know that the situation could be explained by something as simple as a drug-induced hallucination, took a firm hold of his mustache and wrestled it to a standstill with a tremendous amount of willpower. "Why me?"

"It stands for something, you know. Not that anyone ever asks." Ish pulled out a notebook from his back pocket and scribbled down something on a page which he then tore off and threw against the wall where it was sucked into the hole his pen had made earlier and dutifully accepted as a command. "It's literally our ICE-tea, Joe, in the case of an emergency where we need to go back."

"Back where?" The Major asked, his voice sounding a little gruffer than it usually was. He tried clearing it, but that only brought about a series of mashed potato airplanes swooping down from above that narrowly missed his head, the tater tots inside shouting profanity in their rage that a runway hadn't been cleared.

"Home." The hole in the wall began to nibble at the edges of the wallpaper and following Ish's request for a 'Portal, please', it had soon eaten itself into a sea of swirling colors where imaginary dreams and improbable hopes sang Wagner with the moon.

"Sir?" The Major jerked; he hadn't called anyone Sir out of anything but politeness since he had left the army fourteen years prior yet there was a sense of familiarity about the whole situation that called for it. "What the blazes is going on here?"

"If my suspicions are correct, Joe dear friend, I would say that trouble is brewing. Follow me; there is much to fear." With a contradictory smile reaching from ear to ear, Ish picked up the penguin which honked happily and strolled into the colorful sea.

"Why do I get the feeling I should ask for a raise…?" With a last gruff thought of opposition, the Major let go of his common sense and followed the young man through the magical gateway which then proceeded to chop some onions, having heard that a neighborhood barbecue was going to take place the following day.


	2. Chapter 1 - A New Kid

**Chapter 1 - A New Kid**

* * *

The halls of Peach Creek High School were filled with the usual quarter-to-eight-buzz of a few still half-asleep teenagers murmuring social unpleasantries to each other. Flannel shirts hung half tucked into jeans, shorts were still wrinkled after having spent a night crumpled up on the floor and makeup lay unapplied within purses. A certain kind of serene calm rested over the school, the sort one usually finds in sleepy little Midwestern towns, and specks of dust waltzed wildly in the blazing sunlight that seeped through the doors and windows. At a first glance, one could almost mistake this for a high school that didn't deal with such silly things as norms and stigmas. Of course, this could have something to do with the fact that the day had actually yet to start.

When 7:47 came around, not one of the students standing around would bat an eye at the sudden cacophonic concerto caused by dozens of cars attempting to park closest to the entrance. It usually befell one of the several captains of the school's sports teams to do so; the usual kerfuffle that arose was of course who it would be. The football captain would insult the whole premise of lacrosse, the basketball captain ridiculed the car of the track team's leader and the captain of the swim team gave a rather graphic description of a location the whole baseball team could store their bats permanently, even offering his personal assistance to help them relocate them. By the time 7:50 rolled around however, the loud arguments always came to a screeching halt and were soon replaced with half-hearted apologies and attempts at pleasant conversation.

Some of those who showed up early rolled their eyes, others quietly leaned against their lockers and held their breaths in anticipation whilst yet others banged their heads against the wall. All of them, whether they liked it or not, knew that _he_ had arrived and as always, it would be a glorious sight to see.

The excited chatter outside continued to grow until it culminated in a moment of absolute silence as the doors swung open. Unrelenting sunshine burst into the corridors of education, revealing everything hidden in plain sight for all to see and washing away the dark shadows in one majestic wave of light. Several of the students shielded their eyes, or simply flipped down their sunglasses, having prepared in anticipation for this moment. The silhouette of a figure waded through the bright shine and stood tall in the doorway, looking around for a moment or two to take in his surroundings. A couple of them stood in awe of this person whose outline could only be described as a halo of even brighter light and a select few would swear that an angelic choir hummed something in their ears as they saw him. The figure nodded to himself before slowly and dramatically raising his arms to the heavens and exclaiming with a loud and bellowing voice:

"PEACH CREEK HIGH SCHOOL, PRAISE BE WITH YOU ALL ON THIS FINE DAY AND MAY THE MAKER SMILE UPON YOU WITH GOOD FORTUNE!" The moment the young man's foot stepped through the door, life continued on as usual; students streamed through to try and make it to their classrooms in time, new haircuts were judged and plans for the weekend were beginning to take shape. It was as if no one had even noticed that their little time honored tradition had taken place.

"Don't you ever get tired of doing that?" A blue-haired girl moved up her round, green-tinted sunglasses to the top of her head and gave her friend an amused glance. Deep down they believed in the same message of peace, even if she wouldn't want to be caught dead with the whole religious shtick.

"I don't mind." A lot of the students who streamed past their little group of four greeted the young man, a few even stepped forth to shake his hand or give his shoulder a friendly slap. He made sure to give them all an equally enthusiastic greeting in return. "Besides, I've been doing it for so long, I'm scared what'll happen if I stop."

"And, and, if it boosts someone's morale to get through the day, it's worth it, isn't it?" The red-headed girl piped in excitedly, a visible few years younger than the others but fit right in with them mostly due to radiating a positivity only matched by the young man himself.

"Too true, Sarah." He flashed her a warm smile and nodded knowingly.

"There, locker, welcome, ciao." The tallest of them spoke for the first time since they had met up and impatiently patted Sarah on the head. The redhead threw her arms around him happily and sighed in response, an action which he rolled his eyes to and let out an annoyed grunt.

"Thanks, big brother!"

"Sure." Ed said flatly and used a finger to pry her off of him, pushing her back before giving the shorter young man a quick glance. "See you at lunch, Eddy. Marie." With that, he disappeared into the crowd of students, glaring coldly at anyone who dared to even look at him.

"Bye, big brother!" Sarah followed Ed's back with a heartwarming look of pure admiration, a part of her wishing that she could go with him just to talk some more with him. Not that either of them were really much on talking, an apparent family trait, but in comparison to Ed, Sarah was a blabbermouth.

"I think Ed would be happier if he just let a little light into his life." The blue-haired girl, Marie, hoisted the leaf-patterned bag higher up on her shoulder and shook her head disapprovingly. She faced the shorter young man and gave him a hearty smile. "But then again, they can't all be built like you, Eddy."

"Oh, no one is perfect, Marie." Eddy said and bowed his head in thanks. Though he was indeed thankful for her compliment, he truly did believe that he himself was not without flaw. He sometimes slept in during Saturdays, homework might have been missed once or twice when a meeting at the local church had run a little longer than intended and he always felt horrid with himself when home sick from school and therefore not able to bless the day of his fellow students. Minor things in anybody else's eyes, but they were important things to work on to Eddy.

"Mornin'!" A tan-skinned young man had snuck up from behind and threw his arms around Marie and Eddy's shoulders, a grin so wide it was almost audible. "All right?"

"Morning, Rolf." Marie smiled in return. She slid out of the embrace and started to walk slowly, setting the pace for the rest of the little group, just so they would actually get somewhere.

"Morning, Rolf." Sarah echoed.

"Good morning, Rolf." Eddy copied Rolf's motion and embraced his friend's shoulder. "Doing well so far, can't complain. How about you?"

"Right knackered, I'll tell you." Rolf sighed dramatically and threw his up unoccupied arm, narrowly missing the heads of a few students passing by. "Up all night trying to cram for this exam, right? Fifty pages in, I'm not even reading the right bloody book!" The broad British accent seemed to resonate through the walls and a few people turned to wave or nod approvingly to him.

"Sounds quite rough." Eddy said, a sincere sense of sympathy not usually found in people shining through. "Working on the novel again?"

"Always working on me novel." Rolf tapped his temple and smiled cunningly. Noticing Sarah shyly listening, he winked. A deep blush covered her cheeks as she quickly looked down.

"Ah, just don't let it get in the way of your schoolwork there!" Eddy playfully punched the Brit's side.

"Wouldn't dream of it, mate." Rolf let out a chortle. The two boys fell back slightly and began to talk feverishly about the English assignment due the following Tuesday, giving Marie a chance to fall in step with Sarah.

"Hey." She gave the younger girl a comforting pat on the back when the corners of the red-head's mouth moved slightly and she went back to inspecting the floor.

"Hey."

"How're you feeling?" Marie asked.

"Fine." Sarah shrugged in response.

"Yeah, I know Eddy already went through the whole Care Bear routine this morning." Marie glanced back and lowered her voice. "I'm just saying, if you ever need anyone to talk to about… I don't know, stuff that you don't feel like you can share with Eddy or Rolf or-" She withheld a short laugh. "- Ed, then I just want you to know that I'm here for you."

"Thanks. Thanks, Marie." Sarah nodded in gratitude and smiled secretly to herself when Marie hung back to break up the academic conversation behind them. Truth be told, she weren't even _that_ close to Marie, they had never hung out on their own or done any sort of activity without at least Eddy there, but she secretly wished she could have a sister like Marie. The girl always seemed so laid-back and friendly, got along with almost everybody and had apparently figured out herself what with her retro, slight 60s' vibe that seeped out of her every action and appearance choice. If anything, the shy girl wanted nothing more than to be a bit more like Marie.

"Sarah!" Eddy's voice pulled her out of her wandering thoughts and she looked up to see that they had arrived at their usual parting point. Rolf studied the contents of his locker carefully, apparently unsure which of his many notebooks he might want to scribble in during class, while Marie simply swept down the whole day's curricular literature into her bag already splitting at the seams. Eddy gazed at her kindly, his hand resting on his own pristine locker door. "Thoughtful?"

"Oh." Sarah returned to the moment completely and realized that she would have to hurry to make it to her own locker before the bell rang. "Yeah, just thinking about homework"

"Quite alright sometimes. See you at lunch?"

"Y-Yeah." She said nervously, a little intimidated by the sheer warmth of Eddy's smile. Waving to the other two, she spun around and hurried down the hall, like every other day jealous that she wouldn't be sharing class with her friends.

"Oi, Marie; you nick…" Rolf shot up and scratched his head, having searched through and completely annihilated the order of his locker. "Dunno, sorta black little book?"

"Oh, you mean this?" Marie reached into her overstuffed bag and pulled out the requested notebook without any effort. "Yeah, you left it at the café yesterday."

"Bloody hell, you're a lifesaver!" Rolf smacked her shoulder and grabbed the book, his feet moving in what could almost be considered a happy dance.

"I try." Marie shook her head and snickered, closing her locker door. Waiting for the boys to finish, she took a look around to see if her sisters had managed to make it to school yet. She couldn't spot them, something not entirely unusual, but she did notice something else. "Hey, that a new kid?"

"Who?" Eddy turned and looked around enthusiastically, a firm believer in the old adage that strangers were friends you had yet to meet.

"With the hair." Marie nodded in the aforementioned kid's direction. Having spent time with Eddy McGee, who everybody had met at least once whether they liked it or not, she could recognize the majority of the student body no matter the grade and she knew she definitely hadn't seen this particular color of hair in the hallways before.

"Blimey, probably would've remembered that." Rolf threw the kid one look over before making a critical face. "Right, McGee, mind if I sod off to class while you do your whole thing?"

"Not at all, Rolf." Eddy answered and looked past his taller friend. "Marie, you want to say hello?"

"Pass, I'll probably end up talking to him later about hair dye or something." She had started to run out of hands and feet to count the amount of times she had fallen into conversations about her hair. "Usually how the story goes. Save you a seat?"

"Oh, please do." Eddy closed his locker and crossed the hall while his two companions went off to their classroom. Confidently approaching the boy, he cleared his throat and pulled out his most pleasant smile. "Hello, I can't help but notice that I haven't seen you around these halls before. Are you new here?"

"…" The boy turned around in surprise and, upon noticing Eddy standing there, fell into a sullen expression. Sighing drearily, he went back to digging in his locker. "Yes. I'm new."

"Well, welcome to Peach Creek High School then!" Eddy didn't let the treatment faze him, far from the first time a newcomer had responded in such a manner, so he continued. "My name is Eddy McGee and I just thought I'd come over and introduce myself-"

"I know who you are." The boy forcefully slammed the locker door shut and glared back at Eddy, a dark shadow falling across his face.

"Oh." Eddy's smile faltered for a second before returning full force. "Well, if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask! I'd love to offer you a tour of the school, but I'm afraid class is starting soon. Rain check?"

"Whatever." The boy responded flatly.

"Fantastic!" The shrill call of the bell echoed through the halls and Eddy took a step back. "I do hope you have a good first day!" With that, he jogged off, hoping that he had gotten through to the fellow and that he had a potential candidate for a new friend. The boy on the other hand remained motionless in the hallway, staring with contempt at Eddy's figure until it disappeared around the corner.

"Bastard." He muttered under his breath and ran a frustrated hand through his teal hair. Things were not going according to plan so far.

* * *

"There you go, Kevin." Marie returned to the table with another tray in her hands, setting it down in front of a boy whose whole front had been covered in mashed potatoes and gravy. He raised his eyebrows quickly as if to show his appreciation and sighed heavily.

"I just don't know why he has to pick on me."

"Wish I had an answer for that." Eddy handed the newly polished glasses back to their owner who once again raised his eyebrows to show thanks. "I can't really understand it myself, that we were friends once." If Eddy would have to choose his biggest regret in life, it would have been standing by idly while his friend slowly turned away from them all. It never had to be like that. He figured that's why, apart from his Christian morals and human decency, he might have seemed so keen to befriend as many people as possible; to help them.

"Le' me tell ya'." Rolf exclaimed brusquely, half a mouthful of mashed potatoes flying all over his tray. "If I weren' such a nice blo'e-"

"Think you mean skinny." Ed said, grimly poking at the steamed vegetables on his plate.

"Well beside the point!" The steamed carrot on Rolf's fork shook in Ed's direction before going back to being waved vividly through the air. "If I weren' the nice- No!" Both Marie and Sarah moved a few feet away to avoid the spray of potatoes. Kevin didn't even bother. "I 'ell you, if he'd tried to pull 'at sorta funny stuff back home, me and the boys would've lef' 'at wanker in shambles 'wenty ways to Thursday!"

"Sure." Ed said, the sarcasm almost undetected in his already glum tone of voice. Glancing sternly at Kevin though, he gave a nod. "He's not wrong though, there's a reason why we call him Double-D."

"Why?" Sarah asked, a bit more quiet than she would've liked though incredibly grateful that at least Marie had heard her.

"Because his parents chose to replace his brain with double D batteries." Marie sighed. She too felt like there could have been, and maybe still was, more she could have done for the boy. Support, a shoulder to lean on, anything. It broke her heart a little that he had alienated himself in such a way. Didn't excuse his behavior on any level though; it went against everything Marie believed in.

"Or his heart. Depends on who's telling it." Ed added. At the sight of a certain someone, he stood up abruptly and grabbed his tray. "See you later." He walked off to meet up with a blonde girl whose greeting looked to be as dour as his.

"Marie." Feeling thankful for finding something else to discuss, Eddy leaned across the table while glancing over at Ed's newfound company. "I'm not one to gossip, but I have to ask: Do you think Ed and May have finally found each other?"

"Dunno." Marie threw a quick look over her shoulder and shrugged. "She's even more difficult to get anything out of than Ed."

"Doubt it." Sarah said. Marie snickered and elbowed the redhead's side.

"Least you don't share a room with him."

"Thank the heavens for that." Sarah exhaled in mock relief and the two girls burst into a fit of giggles at their own playfulness.

"Oi!" Rolf's fork swung back into action. "What're you two birds chirping about?"

"Nothing." Sarah managed to get out. Marie gave her a sly look and a wink, signaling her to play along.

"We were just saying how perfect it would be if you and me got together, Rolf." Not even an umbrella could have prepared them for the shower of food that rained down when Rolf began to splutter and cough.

"You and- _Have you gone completely mental?!_ " He grabbed a firm hold of the table and convulsed into a coughing fit, glaring at the two girls as they started to laugh.

"Come on; you and me get together, we set up Sarah and Eddy and the four of us can double-date! What do you say?" Marie grinned teasingly at the spluttering boy who didn't seem to know whether to finish his coughing or start yelling how much of a bad idea it would be to risk their friendship for something like that.

"I can't deny, it would be a textbook setup." Eddy said, giving the girls an amused look that melted Sarah's heart a little.

"I swear-" The Brit spat out. "Barmy, every last one of you!"

"Hey, guys, I'm gonna go talk to Nazz for a moment." Kevin spoke up, giving up completely on lunch after having quietly separated and regrouped his meatballs several times. "That okay?"

"Sure thing!" Marie wheezed between the laughs, propping herself up against Sarah for support even though the redhead looked to be worse off in terms of laughing.

"Talk to you later, Kevin?" Eddy asked, conveying a mixed sense of worry and sympathy Kevin appreciated.

"Absolutely. Excuse me." Like Ed before him, Kevin picked up his tray and went over to join a blonde girl, though this one sat alone a few tables behind them.

"He'll be alright." Marie reassured Eddy, sensing his distraught feelings. She at least hoped so; no one could really have any idea what Double-D's motives for choosing Kevin as his target was.

"Sooner or later, surely." Eddy said, nodding to himself. Things would work out. He'd talk to Kevin later, speak with… It then struck him that the new kid never even introduced himself. No matter, he would certainly give the boy a chance to do so later. Heck, if it was willed then he might even patch things up with Double-D and help him figure out whatever beef he had with Kevin. Time would tell. Until then, he would sit there, eat his lunch and be entertained by just how uncomfortable Marie could make Rolf with prepositions of the romantic possibilities at county fairs.

"Come ooon, Rolf! We grab Kevin and Nazz, we have ourselves a triple-date! If that's too many, we could sneak off behind some haystack-"

"Off your bloody trolley! Eddy, tell this loony!"

"I don't know, Marie; I'm more of a movies guy myself."

"Oooh, wouldn't that be romantic, Rolf? The two of us, in the darkness, sitting close-"

"Sod this, not letting you take the piss anymore."

"No, no; Marie, let's stop."

"Okay, okay, Preacher Man! Sit down, Rolf; I'm just pulling your leg."

"Better be."

"…"

"What's that?"

"Sure, it starts by her pulling your leg…"

"Ooh! Good one, Sarah!"

"Heh, indeed, Sarah."

"T-Thanks, Eddy."

".. Stark raving lunatics, the bunch of you."

* * *

Heey!

So, uhm, I hope you liked it! I know not a lot happened but we're building up to it! Trust me, it's gonna be worth the wait!

Thanks for reading and please review, kinda helps me to know if there's anything you'd like to see more or less of. I got most of the story planned out but the ending is still sort of undecided so you never know what might turn up!

Oh, and the rating will most likely be going up for language and other things so just a fair bit of warning if you don't like such things!

So please review, let me know what you think and thanks again!

Love, Flywheel!

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 _Establishing connection._

* * *

"Major?" Ish glanced back at his companion momentarily.

"Pretty sure you can call me Joe soon." The Major responded gruffly, his voice having slid down the musical scale on a sled made of sandpaper. The tie which had been meticulously tied around his neck for the last 40 or so years of his life, if it even had been his to begin with, had instead been relocated to hold down his increasingly rebellious moustache which seemed to have a bone to pick with the penguin Ish carried under his arm. The life of army business, neighborly barbeques and investigating the disappearances of his cats felt more and more distant as they went on, like he was trying to recall a dream he had been having the previous night. "I could really use a cup of tea."

"I think it has a nice ring though." The younger of the duo squinted hard, trying to make out anything of valuable information in the dark corridor illuminated only by a faint, pulsating red light. He didn't want to admit, neither to the soon-to-be-Joe or to himself, that he didn't have the faintest clue where they were or where they were going so he went on to distract both of them. "If we ever find our way back, I'll make you Major of something. Hell, I'll make an army of penguins just for you to be Major over!" The arctic bird under his arm honked happily at the prospect of being part of something bigger than itself.

"I'd just 'preciate the cup of tea." Major Joe-ish muttered in response. He tried his hardest to make heads or tails of these new, yet strangely familiar memories of tea parties, creativity training and fighting the Penguin Union for Safer Strangeness in court over a mysterious crime wave where numerous birds had been turned into buckets. All of them had one thing in common and that was that none of them had taken place in the enclosed space they were currently traveling through.

"Oh, so would I." Had he overshot it? Not possible, the portal from the kitchen was supposed to have led them straight to their destination. It was of course entirely plausible that they had ended up inside a packet of crackers or something equally improbable and would have to find their way out; nothing would surprise him less where they were going. The red light was really starting to bother him though. He had tried to ask it to go away, both nicely and sternly, but it persisted with pulsating slowly.

"I'm not really all there in the head but isn't there supposed to be… Something?" Major Joe tried the improbable solution of stroking the tie-covered moustache to calm it down but drew back his hand when it growled menacingly.

"Yes, yes there is." A feeling in Ish's stomach had started to grow and it was not one he liked. Something was wrong and he didn't have any clue why. "That's what we're here to- Oh, look, a door." He smiled fondly and stopped, giving the Major a relieved look. The door in front of them looked like any old door with the exception of the piece of paper on it and the one haphazardly taped underneath it which added ' **(Tuesdays, bring your own slippers)** ' to the first message.

"Limbo. Sounds familiar." Major Joe managed to mutter out over the sound of his increasingly aggravated facial hair.

"Yep. Joe, old friend; we're home." With a deep breath, Ish opened the door marked to lead to an endless space of white, a blank canvas from which majestic music and wickedly weird, witty writing could spring forth, creativity could nourish and flourish and anything you imagined could happen in the blink of a thousand eyes. The place he knew so well, the place he adored and loved, the place he longed to find again. "What the-" This longing jumped right back out of bed like it had been spoon-fed fifteen cups of coffee and then expected to go to rest. The reason for this was quite simply because he still hadn't found it.

"That's new." Major Joe stepped out after Ish and let the door close behind them. He knew that he wasn't completely himself but he had to admit that this wasn't Limbo. Above them loomed a blood red sky which stretched off into the horizon which met with a sea of sand that then stretched back to cover everything underneath them. Whatever Limbo was, is or will be, the desert they were currently standing in wasn't it.

"We're…" Ish stared from left to right in disbelief, spinning around once to find that the desolate wasteland looked the same in every direction. "This is not good."

"Where are we?" The corner of Major Joe's mouth dropped a few inches more; nowhere in his jumbled mess of memories could he recall ever having seen this nightmarish place before. From the gobsmacked looks of it, neither had Ish.

"I'm…" Ish groaned loudly and placed an annoyed kick at a nearby pile of sand, which promptly slid out of the foot's way, only increasing his frustration. He tried to get it a few more times before throwing his head back and giving up completely. Looking apologetically from the penguin under his arm to his more human companion, his shoulders slumped. "Not where we're supposed to be. I think something is very off here."

 _Connection lost._


End file.
